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| Nada é preto e branco, nada é sim ou não, nada é agora ou nunca. Nunca é muito tempo, mas por que às vezes parece que se não for agora, nunca será? Ter 25 anos é uma fase peculiar da vida. Não só vinte e cinco, mas a cada ciclo terminado tudo parece mais definitivo. Por mais que eu realmente ache que não é porque eu decida qualquer coisa agora que isso será minha realidade para sempre, por mais que eu me esforce por viver o hoje, qualquer decisão que eu tome agora parece poder alterar o curso da minha vida para sempre. Exagero? Talvez um pouco de drama? Não consigo saber, só sei que só sei o que não quero... mas o que quero é um incógnita até agora. E, com 25 anos isso já não deveria ser certo? As coisas são muito menos preto e branco do que imaginamos quando adolescentes. Ah, a adolescência! Se eu fosse escrever tudo o que pensava sobre pessoas de 25 anos quando adolescente... talvez, poderia resumir em duas palavra: definição e prepara-se para ser velho(a) aos trinta! Mas, a vida surpreende, e nem tudo o que parece ou pensamos é. Nada melhor e pior do que saber que nada é definitivo, mas enquanto estamos passando por algo ruim... ah... isso sim parece uma eternidade! Porque o tempo passa mais rápido agora, porque eu já vivi e vi mais, porque eu sei que quanto mais sei, menos. sei. And the beat goes on... | | |
| 9 months in here, lots have changed since then… sometimes I wonder how this “reverse” cultural shock is gonna work like, still, I’m trying not to worry as much about what’s to be next. I decided to post in here after ages because today I had this weird dream I was coming back to Bra zil out of nowhere, and nobody knew I was going arrive there that day but at the same time, I met every single person I care about right after I left the plane. I actually felt I was really hugging people… crazy… way to be sensitive these days ;) Anyway, oh boy, so weird to think about going back home. Sometimes I feel like I’ll be a completely strange to some and also they will have changed so much as well, I won’t be able to recognize them. I’m so thankful for this amazing experience and for all the awesome people God has put in my life. Obrigada :* "Once you've got a pirate, you're hooked" | | |
| Six months gone… weird to think six months from now I’ll be back home… whatever it means. Where is home? I’ve been asking myself this simple question a lot, only to realize I have no correct answer but heaven. My mom lives in a different place of where we used to be, so there I have a home, but at the same time it doesn’t feel like my home. Sao Paulo feels like a home, but I have no actual home in there. My mom and family feel like home to me even though my hometown is a far distance place in my mind. I feel my family close as home, but my hometown as a foreign land where I can’t fit anymore. My sister is home to me as well, even though she lives far away to where I’m going to. Sao Paulo feels like home, the city itself. Having my friends around feels like home, even though I’m really scared to be back only to realize some relationships just don’t exist anymore, if they ever did… New York is starting to feel more like home to me… even though cold winter just can’t make me feel at home. Good friends are an ever living home, so glad I can call some special friends I met here home and even happier I can say I have friends back home who will always be home, even if we are miles and miles apart. Just got an email today from a very good old friend of mine and, oh my, I miss her tons. Too bad she lives in Rio now… good to know though I have a home in there. I’m sooo happy she’s getting married, a happy ever after home just beginning. Hard to stay, hard to leave. I’ll miss Jack dearly, but I miss home badly, specially my own little home. It’s just so weird to have people coming in your life just to see them leaving right after. Even though I still love them, I miss having them around… actually seeing and touching them. I want not only get to know how they are doing, but, actually, be part of their lives. I wonder if I’ll ever settle down, if I’ll ever have a steady home before I meet my God, my ultimate home. Like the song goes “home, I don’t know where it is but I know I’m going home” and changing it a bit just to sound corny “home is where your heart is”. Hugs… for it feels like home Bruna | | |
| As you know it, northern old folks head south during wintertime. There I was in south, surrounded by my most wise and experienced fellows. Like the birds, they seek for warmer weather, even though it feels like winter in Brazil in SC. Myrtle beach, guys, that is where I was yesterday and for the past 10 days. I can definitely tell you I will never see or feel winter as I did before. The winter seems everlasting; I asked myself a million times if it will ever end anytime soon. It has been winter since November for my Brazilian fellows and I. Jeez… anyway, it was much better in SC than in jersey for sure. Gotta tell ya’ll, I’m 100% ready for spring. Anyway, I looooooove looooooove old people. They are so caring and loving. I had so much fun hanging out with them. Fe els like I am surrounded by lots of grandparents… and oh boy, I miss my grandma. No clue why, but every time the word grandma comes to my mind I always think of hugs… maybe because I hug my grandma a lot. And these old ladies here look so much alike my grandma… awwww… green eyes, very fair skin, blondish hair… my grandma doesn’t really have super white hair though, it‘s still grayish. I remember sitting on my grandma’s lap even when a teenager or watching TV in her place cuddling with her. Being around all these ladies make me miss her a lot. I did some water workout during the morning with them, I think the youngest of the group, besides me of course, is 55 years old. Go grandmas!!!! We went to a couple house, super nice people, and we played a game called “pass the pig” hahahaahahaha… and the grandpa guy is so much of an excited person … every time somebody got a snouter or a trotter lol he would say “weeeee” hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Angela’s parents are sooo nice as well!!!!! Old people are just lovely ;) They had a birthday party and a belly dancer showed up to perform lol, and I also for the first time in my life played bingo!!! Weeeee and I won something yay… cookies… double yay… just love cookies!!! And an Italian-Canadian guy invited us over for dinner… great pasta!!! Italians (not matter if real Italians, Americans, Canadians or Brazilians) are so lovely, they are just warm and have this care taker twist in their personality. I wanna marry an Italian!!!!!!!!! I feel so random and shallow sometimes ;) promise I’ll try to come up with a deep, personal and relevant post. Hugs and kisses everyone. Nothing I could wish more for than a big old bear hug. Missing hugs more than I thought I would, Bruna | | |
| I have nothing to do right now, so why now to post anything in here? Isn’t it weird how we just change and sometimes it feels like things around us remain the same? Some things change for sure, but I don’t know, I’ve been thinking a lot how it is like to be a parent and how it will be like for me when I have a child. Somehow I know I’ll do things that will not be perfect for him/her/them(???), but I’m sure I’ll love them (let’s say them) in such an amazing way they will never be able to love me back. I think it’s funny how our parents usually love us more than we love them back. Not that I don’t love my parents, I do, a lot... but… it’s different. What does it take to be a good mom or dad? I don’t know… I just hope I don’t mess up my children too much. I was talking to a friend of mine about that, it seems like older kids usually are more messed up than the others… and I do think the reason for that is how much parents just have no idea of what to do in some situations. It’s hard to educate a kid having no doubts what you do is the best always. We’re human beings and it’s part of our fallen nature to make huge mistakes… and there’s no such a thing as a school to prepare parents to situations like a huge whining for chocolate in the middle of store, or when they just do something you never experienced before. I just have been thinking a lot about that… I really hope that any mistake I do can’t be so damaging that would make my children not to be willing to get to know God. So many people have this huge issue with God that totally blocks them from seeing all His kindness and loving nature, cause they have never had that before. They have no idea of what kindness and love means, they never really received that. Also, I believe a lot of individuals see us Christians as narrow minded people and blinded by the need of having a hope that, for them, just doesn’t exist. Everyone has a need for love and acceptance and we search for that pretty much anywhere, but some just can’t see God as a source of life, or as the one who will always embrace your problems and joys, the one that knows you inside out, the one that loves you more than you can expect or imagine anybody can be loved. So many see God as a rule setter or as a rule itself. I don’t know if any of that makes sense, but I just have been thinking sooo much about that… not sure if I have it really figure out yet, or if I ever will. What I do know is God is teaching me so much about people lately. I always had a huge interest in people, their behavior, life etc etc etc… and I kind of always analyze people. I’ve been thinking how people see us Christians… here in america it seems Christianity is often mistaken by some republican way of thinking, or Sunday morning church people, conservative behavior and it’s amazing for me to see people doing the pledge to the American flag in a church, or using God to validate a political discourse. Not that in Brazil we have a perfect church and of course the word of God is unfortunately used to validate things christianity itself has nothing to do with. I’ve just thinking a lot about love… how different the world would be if we truly believed and lived out a Jesus way of life, donating yourself, putting other people first, and loving them like ourselves. Somehow, I’m too over concerned about my own little world and miss out what’s out there… the big picture of what God is doing everywhere. Not sure if anything I wrote make sense together... I'm just such a random person :) I pray God can help me to love more and worry less, love more and analyze less, love more and judge less. And that I may learn what means to really love someone trusting God to touch hearts and not trust my own words or intelligence to it. God has been teaching me lots but I do have a long path ahead of myself. 5 months gone... 7 to come. And may the winter be over soon ;) NYU here I go!!!! | | |
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